Crestfallen

I'm not actually the above, a bit tired and sore as shit [6.9 miles, with hills! 1hr31min, which is bad but a 13.2 min pace is eons above the 15 minute shit I was pulling a few weeks ago, so there]. They just used the word in Mad Men and I think I may steal it and insert it into my lexicon. Crestfallen is the new despondent, embrace it.

So this week was good, I ran Monday and then did the bike Wed and Thurs nights, along with my arms both nights. I am up to 30 reps of my 7 arm exercises - woot! I took Friday off from exercise and did the bike again yesterday [a half hr on strength each time, like 7-8 miles depending on how lazy I am] and my arms, then ran and did my arms today. I am back to drinking after not drinking from 8/22 through 9/3, my version of 2 weeks. So far I've been reminded that drinking makes me tired and/or gives me a headache, so I'm thinking I'll cut that back way more in general. Seriously, Shirley Temples are the shit. Beyond that, I felt good running today, I'm feeling better about the half marathon...go go go!

God this show mades me want a dictaphone and a bar cart.

Case of the Mondays

Indeed. I have a feeling this will continue all week, alas. Woke up early and ran 2.6m in 38 minutes [embarrassing] and did my arms. Ate ok today, that is going better. I think hydrating properly does cut some of the starvation. Banana and a spoonful or PB pre-run [I got the hiccups twice before 9 today WTF]. Egg and english for breakfast, some strawberries, a nectarine. Veggie soup for lunch, yogurt, more strawberries, some gluten free fettuccine frozen thing for dinner [rice noodles, was actually good] and some tomatoes with olive oil and vinegar for dinner. And i just had 2 cookies and a cup of decaf for dessert. I think I've lost like one pound but at least it STOPPED GOING UP. And i did not succumb to my snacking today, if I wanted something I ate fruit. Progress!

This blog has gotten very anal-food-fattie-boring. I should work on that.

Half Marathon Training Commences

I started today with 5.2 miles. I was slow, 1h12m, but faster than I have been lately. It's not as muggy or hot which is helping. And I had a banana and 2 cookies pre-run, plus pasta last night. I definitely hate running at the beginning and like it in the middle and feel kind of like death at the end. I think this bodes well for distances, not crazy distances but 13 miles seems doable? Am I a nut? Probably. I am getting sort of jazzed and sort of nervous. I'm obsessing about how or if I pee while running. Googling this has NOT helped me feel at ease on this subject.

I did my arms last night and this morning, those are getting better. Still eating ehh but not drinking and if I keep exercising hopefully it will work out. Skinny by Christmas!

Aug 26th

Lets see, I was lazy Friday and we had the bachelorette Saturday, preceded by Target and the like. Shopping involves standing, walking, navigating. Yep. Sunday I was probably lazy as well? Monday I ran 3.3 miles in FORTY NINE MINUTES. Wednesday I ran 2 on the track, forgot my watch. Today I tried to run, felt like death because I am semi-starving myself [never mind the 3/4 box of whoppers i just wolfed] and had no energy so I did 7 miles on the bike. I think I've done my arms Sun-M-W-Th, so they are getting better, minus me being fat and having Granny wings.

So exercise is going ok, this week has been hard with being in WF 3x, but I've tried to stuff some in. It is so hard to run without eating as much as I usually do. My next philosophy may be to eat pasta everyday and promise to run after work, but I think those promises might turn into lies. I am still not drinking: 8/22 - 9/3. That has been easier than anticipated and I am proud to confirm that I am not an alcoholic.

I should be able to run this weekend and most days next week. Then a 4 day weekend!!! So looking forward to that.

Top Chef

always makes me so hungry. Distracting myself with blogging so I don't eat my kitchen.

I don't think I ran over the weekend? Maybe Friday, but the weekend was insanely full. I ran 2.4 miles Monday morning. It was raining and I woke up late, glad I forced myself to do it. But 36 minutes. That's 15 minute miles, i.e. slower than my 5k of Misery. Where do I get energy??? I think running in the AM is great due to having it done with and no excuses or exercise dread all day. However, I wolf like half a banana and some water and this does not allow for the needed calories to burn. I will need to figure this out. Maybe I should move to running at night since that would also prevent going out to eat and/or drinking, 2 other waist killers.

Today I ate pretty well [minus the 4 cookies I just housed] and then did 7.5 miles on the bike...mostly because I didn't want to put on a bra. Then I did my arm exercises, I think my arms are getting better. And I am drinking a TON of water and I feel better and it might just be me but I think my forehead lines are smaller??? I pee constantly, which I loathe but alas. Better than a urinary tract infection or dehydration.

All Terrain

So the 5k last night was in the mother-fucking FOREST. What?! Like beautiful non-humid night and lovely part of RI but seriously, roots and wood chips and rocks, ugh. And I should really train at least a little if I'm going to run. And maybe eat more than like a bagel in the day time. I finished last, 41:44. Ugh. But I did it, I ran the whole thing, I finished. Blah and Blah. I feel kind of sucky today but not as bad as I thought.

I did some arms tonight and ate too many cookies. I am done with my antibiotics so I can stop using that as an excuse to eat bread, bread and more bread. Work is becoming an issue, I need to stop going out to eat. That Bamboo isn't even good and is a diet-killer. And I'm supposed to be saving money. Ah, life. I still have my attitude problem, hopefully that will get better as I start to feel better.

I'm going to try and keep momentum going and run 4-5 miles tomorrow, I have no real weekends to myself until mid-September. And work will be insane by then. I am so annoyed by everyone and everything. Except Ed and those cookies and MTV programming. These are good things.

8/10

Tuesday, I got like 2 hrs of sleep last night. Heading to bed soon. Did my arms today despite my shoulder hurting this morning, what doesn't hurt on me right now? Still running a 5k in the hellish temps tomorrow at 6:30, not the greatest idea but I knew it would be August so I can't blame anyone but myself.

Ate ok, I like to take my meds with food so I allowed myself bread and bread and bread. I did however read my medical records online [or some of them] and less than 2 years ago I was 15 lbs lighter and I was pretty diesel [not in a good way then], so like really. Really. I just had cereal for dinner, what am i five? Ed made gross seasoned corn, I lasted 3 bites.

Fin.

Rough week

We had a week of visitors, it doesn't take much to sway me from exercising so I have done nothing pretty much since July. Nice.

Rode the bike for a half hr today and lifted my weights. One month till Meagan's wedding and I need at least a semblance of muscle tone in my arms. I should probably try the dress on at some point before September 9th? Add it to the list. I'm exhausted, it's hot, I'm in a funk. Today I'm sick on top of said-funk. Cooler temperatures will help, I keep telling myself, but I really need to just cut the bullshit and stop making excuses. Get more sleep, drink more water, DO NOT go out to eat unless it's REALLY worth it! Says she who just housed a hot dog bun [dipped in some melted butter sitting on the counter...it was seriously like 89 here today, and so muggy] at 2 am. In fairness, my antibiotics said take with food. Damn right I will....

Run and Lift

That's what I did, 2.5 miles and my arms, at like 6:30 am. I did not love it but I am proud I forced myself to get out of bed period and then I was considering cutting it short and I didn't. So score two for the gipper or whatever that is. And it was again soooo hot today so the early thing was a good move.

I ate awful, fine all day and then Ed brought home a croissant, I went out for a delicious panini and fries, and 2 fruity cocktails. The some JP Licks. I feel gross right now.

Tomorrow is another day.

Where oh where are my endorphins?

So I got up at 6 as promised and watered my plants and ran 2.5 miles AND did my arm exercises. And made a healthy breakfast and took down all the laundry, all before 9 am. Who am I? However, for the rest of the day I was hungry and spacey and now I had a teeny glass of bad white wine [so bad I had to mix it with oj, no joke] and am SO TIRED, I am drinking a diet coke in hopes of staying awake later than 8 pm. Ugh. When do I start feeling jazzed? When do I have energy in my life? And joy? When do I have one chin in pictures. Seriously, I think I look ok and then the goddamn macbook cameras PROVES otherwise, such a sharp smack to the face. Happy Monday!

Blase

Is that how you spell that? It's my general mind-set for, oh the entire summer. Nothing serious, just a combination of wanting to do nothing besides sleep, watch TV and eat pizza. Not the greatest for the 40 lbs I've decided I need to lose by March. New goal! Yes, I think we will get married in March, for our 7 year itch. I figure I can lose like 10 this summer and then maybe 15-20 in training for my November race. Then I just have 5-10 for the winter. Why is it so much easier to write down than actually do?

I rode the bike Friday night, I'm down to twice a week for any kind of exercise. I have done zero running since it's been so hot. Maybe like twice in the past month? And the eating....well, it's summer. Friday we had bread? And Saturday we had Coppa and today we had meat and cake [not together] for Ed's dad's b-day. So super healthy. I've been eating vegetables and drinking a lot of water [it is so hot, you can't help it], so those are two pluses. I'm going to try and get up and water the lawn and go running. We shall see!

Ddejncjsdncjjc

Again with the re-examining of life. I've been putting off blogging intentionally because I have to REALLY think of things I like besides Ed, my cat, my family, my bed, my iPhone and laptop, and eating. I am glad it's summer even if it is HORRENDOUSLY hot. Like bad. I did a 5k yesterday in 35:20, not awful. My legs kill today but I did 6 miles on the bike too. Getting it together but for now it is a suckfest.

I'm going to wuss out and go with TV shows I look forward to. So sad.
1. Locked Up Abroad
2. Mad Men
3. Dexter [wtf?]
4. Intervention
5. The Office. I have 2 seasons to catch up on now, will make for a lovely fall saturday.
Because I prob don't have a free Saturday until then, FML.

Beyond that, I look fat in Martha's wedding pix and I look fat in Daddy's pix from yesterday. Didn't stop me from carbo-loading today. Vicious cycle.

Also, starting the wedding plans, discreetly. I'll just figure it all out and tell Ed we're doing it. This is how we work.

lazy, busy, blah blah blah

time warp week, and it's looking like this will be too. when does it end? how do people work this much? when do you LIVE????

is this why people have children, to feel something? i can almost understand that. not get behind it or buy into it, but i get it.

ran 1.5 miles this am, did the shortest lamest bike ride EVER after work. less than 10 minutes, no joke. but no spills. and i love my helmet. 7.5 mi race on sunday was bumped to a lame old 5k. yuck. daddy and i need to plan a longer run, they are impossible to find. whatevs.

1. My potential snack shop life plan. Details to follow.
2. My week off. I need it.
3. Fireworks, next weekend!
4. Stupid quarter being over.
5. More dog-looking, hopefully dog-getting. My parents have HIGH standards. Of course, they'd have 6 pitbull rescues by now if it was up to me.

back to ed's depressing poulltion documentary. who am i dating?

Excited, exschmited

Not gonna lie, I have zero energy and patience today. The wedding was so lovely but so 7 hours away. I hate distance driving, and I am definitely a stress-pot cause now sitting in the car for more than like 2 hours makes my back and hips hurt. What's up, Octogenarian?

1. Next weekend I have nothing to do. NOTHING. Maybe dinner with Beth and Laura or Ed and Jen, and then Father's Day. That's it!

2. The first week of July, off. Like off-off. Getting paid for time off would be much nicer but I'm just glad to have some time to sit and plan stuff.

3. Red Sox Thursday? Interleague play is weird but I love the park and it's supposed to be nice out.

4. Bike riding, if I keep typing positive things about this will it insure that I don't fall off once I actually get on it?

5. The new HBO prohibition show will be on and Kenny Powers will be back in September. Which will be here in the blink of an eye so I'm going to start getting jazzed now!

Road-trippin'

Ed and I are currently en route to Martha's wedding! It is in rural NY state so I fully expect us to be lost in about 45 minutes but for now the trip is good and I'm excited for the festivities. I hope my boobs stay in my dress, there are certain things even the fab tailor at Hillside Cleaners can't fix. Alas.

Happy about
1. My summer is still free after this weekend, only a couple things percolating.
2. The Target dog. Love.
3. Dinner Monday at Judy's
4. Pavement in September
5. Cirque de Soleil in August

Am I reaching if I have to put things 2-3 months away?
I may need to examine my life even more.
For now, I'm just trying to stay alive with this maniac driving
Seriously.

Merci

My blood sugar is so low right now I can barely think, and I just spent 1 hr hanging up clean laundry. The WORST. My brain is a constant hamster wheel of things I'm forgetting. Ugh.

Anyhow, despite of my HORRIBLE LIFE [sarcasm, of course], here's what I'm appreciating today:

1. job got renewed for 3 more months. Frustrating in ways and still not my life's passion but it's opening some doors and moreover it's cash-money.

2. my birthday being over. Birthdays and holidays are always massive build-up and then some semi-fun fizzle with good food. Such was the case. I need to realize I don't live in The Great Gatsby and get a better idea of what it really means to have a party, BEFORE I'm in the middle of it.

3. my beautiful diamond ring. It scared me at first, and marriage scares me in general [not due to ed, due to being a full-on adult], but I stare at this shizz daily and it always makes me smile.

4. my cat being 13 with no end in sight; that would seriously crush me

5. beer plan with the KAS. Could turn out awesome, and I am in dire need of a lit fire under my ass.
5b. I got a new print in the mail from the KAS, and it is beautiful. I've already framed it and I'm figuring out where to put it. Ahht.

Monday List

I ran to Target in Somerville and back part of the way [Ed met me and we walked the rest, perfect weather!]. 5 miles. Like 70 minutes...14 minute miles?! Acck, I'm supposed to be getting faster not slower. 2h10m half marathon is moving far, far away vs closer as hoped. And I ate like a pig this weekend, but it WAS my birthday. And I haven't run in 2 weeks. I need to get it together. Running 4-5 times a week - no excuses!

My list of things I'm excited for-
1. Getting married. Who knows when, but I'm getting more stoked on this.
Def just the 2 of us, and that's the part I want - the party aspect gives me anxiety.

2. Setting up my calendar and addresses on the MacBook, total dork.

3. My bike helmet will lead to biking. This will lead to being skinny which will help me look pretty for #1.

4. Maybe a new real job. Maybe?

5. The summer not being busy. Please let this happen. I need it. If busy involves an impromptu trip to SF for a long weekend, that's acceptable. If busy involves bullshit that eats up my whole summer, I will be displeased.

ps

It's free donut day at Dunkin' Donuts. Not the best tasting thing ever and def not the best thing to put in my body, but free is free and a Boston Creme at 6:50 am while driving to suburban office park hell is not the worst thing in the world.

TGIF

For real, this week has been bleeccchhhh. Way too busy with work stuff and post-work commitments. Last week too. On the positive, I am so much more productive when stressed and time-crunched, but the production is for work or stuff for other people. Translate to, my house is still a mess and tomorrow is going to be frantic up until 3:58. I need to figure out how to channel my energy to the parts of my life that matter.

happy or good list-
1. Chesterfield sofas, come on.....
2. Chanel purses
3. Tea
4. McDonald's sundaes. [what's up, profile pic!]. Maybe McDonald's in general, minus the whole giant corporation, fake food, people are fat aspect
5. Macerated strawberries, I'm making you tonight

I'm thinking I may need to move this list to Thursday and make Friday a lessons learned from the week post. This week I learned:

1. I will use any excuse in the world to "not find time to exercise". Even with a SEVEN.FIVE miles RACE coming up in THREE WEEKS. I haven't run in 2! FML.

2. I am a crazy person when it comes to my job. Fickle and emotional and all over the place. I am completely the opposite of this in every other part of my life. And I should clarify, I'm not fickle or emotional or nutso when doing actual work, just when thinking about where I'm at, where I'm going, what I want. This better go away by 35.

3. Parties make me nervous. I knew this.

4. Ed and I can fight while cleaning without breaking things, progress - yay!

5. I love spending money. LOVE. I knew this too, but it needs to be typed because it can turn into a Bad Scene.

Wednesdays will be things I'm thankful for.

On today, I am thankful for:

1. I am healthy as shit, the older I get, the more important this becomes.

2. My family is awesome in a noninvasive way. So is Ed's. What are the odds?

3. My MacBook. Srsly, LOVE.

4. Maintaining an income even though I'm unemployed; way luckier than others even if I pout like Bitter Sally ALL DAY LONG

5. Not giving a shit about weddings or babies. I would have no hair left. And I'm glad it's not a fake and stressful not caring, it's legit. Way better stuff to focus on in life. I do give a shit that Ed will be my husband one day, and for that I am ALSO thankful.

Off to Fenway, where Dice-K better give me some more stuff to be thankful for...

Oh Yeah

So I'm thinking rather that being the constant whiny Gen Xer that I am, I'm going to do lists every week of stuff that doesn't suck.

Mondays will be things I'm looking forward to [maybe even goals - GOALS!].
Wednesdays will be things I'm thankful for.
Fridays will be anything that makes me happy or is good.

Kick-start:

1. i'm excited that my parents are getting a dog

2. I'm looking forward to a freshly scrubbed kitchen floor [sad face]

3. My BIRTHDAY is SUNDAY!!!

4. We are going to erbaluce for above-mentioned birthday...yesss.

5. Casino night could be a success, could. Should?
God knows I bought enough furniture, accessories and outfits that I'm ging to have to justify at least one more down the road.

3 Day Instant Weekend

3 glorious days off and squat to show for it. I had such grand hopes and basically wound up breathing in too much bleach and yelling at Ed. Which would be fine except that he got me a beauteous new macbook for my birthday and I am a big jerk. But he is also a big jerk as I have no time this week to do anything and we have my birthday party on Saturday, so we were supposed to get the house into tip-top shape. And he promised! The promise resulted in him hanging 2 shades and a couple curtains. Thanks.

Anyhow, I'm back to my nearly constant state of no relaxation and no productivity. Barf. I did sleep a lot. And had some good burgers. And this thing is so shiny and perfect it kind of makes up for it. Needless to say, my week will not allow for exercise nor did last week. I have been eating ok, still too much but I cut back on sweets. Minus the JP Licks trip I berated Ed into tonight. I have a 7.5 miler on June 27th so June 7th training goes into full gear minus Martha's wedding. It seems daunting, but I think I'm just despondent in general. Off to bed, this post is just to put in writing [cause that helps so much...] that I now have no excuse to shy away from the blog. Half marathon in less than SIX MONTHS - FTW!